I didn’t do much of anything yesterday, other than lay in bed, watch YouTube videos (I’m so sick of YouTube videos), listen to podcasts, and nap. I just didn’t have the energy or the stomach to move around much, although I got up and ate as much as I could when the hunger hit me. Meanwhile our brother and sister-in-law came over and raked leaves off the front lawn with the girls, which was very appreciated.

My world view is very narrow right now. Please tell me there’s something good happening out there.

I’m so glad to have this week over with. Next week is going to suck in a way that can’t be measured with modern instruments, but at least I’ll be at home and not having to wake the family at 6AM to hump ourselves across town. I slept for a good portion of today’s infusion and that was a minor blessing. I’m so happy to be away from the stink of plastic and chemicals in that room, even if I can still smell it coming out of me.

I didn’t eat much today, as my stomach has been flip-flopping all over the place. Our friend Tony, who runs a barbecue food truck, was parked down the street and Jen went to talk with him. She came back with a big bag of dinner that smelled really good from up here so I went down and raided it. Pulled pork never tasted so good, even without sauce.

I’m thankful for all the good wishes and cheer people have brought this week, even if I can’t muster the energy to show it.

I didn’t post yesterday because I felt like total shit. Went to treatment, came home, crawled into bed, and didn’t get out. I was awake at midnight, 2, 4, and 6AM because my left kidney hurt really bad; only using the bathroom and laying on my side all night made things feel better. It was the kind of pain that felt like the leadup pain to kidney stones, but I think I may have doubled up on my mesna prescription by mistake. We’re getting that sorted out right now, because I’m 4 pills short this time. I don’t know what happened.

Today I felt better during treatment, helped in no small part by the last three episodes of Stranger Things, which made me weep with joy as it wrapped up. We made it home to find multiple packages on the porch, sent by my family: a shiny XBOX One S with a handful of games to get me through next week. Nothing says recovery like disemboweling hordes of Orcs in Middle Earth. THANK YOU, Mom, Dad, Ren, and Tony. I devoured half an order of Pho and started to set the console up before my guts exploded, and completed the process after everything calmed down. I’m looking forward to one final day of treatment and then a long break.

Coffee is off the menu until further notice. Glad I’ve been only drinking half-caf for the last month.

Today was the final day of radiation, and I’m pretty happy about that. Because I think it’s the reason my guts are so mad.

A post shared by @jenjive on Nov 14, 2017 at 5:08am PST

Not much else to report here.

I’m laying here in bed at 7:11 after having a little rice and rotisserie chicken brought by our neighbors (god bless them). I haven’t eaten much today other than a muffin in the morning and some pasta when we got back home. Something about the plasticky smell of the tubing in the hospital got up into my nose and shut my appetite off cold turkey. After eating a small bowl, all I wanted to do was go upstairs and lay down. This is due, in part, to the chemo but also due to a neurontin pill I took that will hopefully reduce some of the bottom system issues I spoke about yesterday. So I feel pretty foggy right now. I was also convinced to take an Immodium tablet to try and consolidate all deliveries to one dropoff after we saw the chemo doc overseeing my treatment and he looked me over. As I’ve said before, there’s no dignity with cancer. I’m checking that at the door every day.

Overall he’s happy with the way I’m tolerating this treatment and has a positive outlook on things. We like him a lot. We also love our radiologists, who have been attentive, explanatory, and helpful with their specialty and other stuff far outside of it: scheduling, general questions, and navigating the hospital system. I’ll miss them on Wednesday, because tomorrow is my last day on the big spinning table, I get to ring the bell, and we don’t have to go back there anymore.

I don’t want to bog this account of cancer down with extended coverage of my bottom system, but that’s been the main thing on my mind this past week. They’ve been shooting radiation at my abdomen for 23 of the last 31 days, and that’s had a distinct effect on my, uh, experience. It could also be the residual effects of the anti-nausea medication they gave me during chemo; the nurse cheerfully warned me that it might “make my rectum burn” when they gave it to me. I’m thinking about my bottom constantly because it’s angry. Angry before, during, and after each occasion. If anyone asks me how the first part of cancer treatment felt, I’m going to tell them it was OK except for the shitting napalm part. Too much information?

Alarmingly, the first symptoms of the baby getting larger have shown up. My right kneecap is numb, and this afternoon it feels like it’s stretching down the front of my leg. This is certainly due to something pinching a nerve somewhere in my pelvis, the first time this kind of thing has happened. The doctors were amazed two months ago that nothing like this was already happening; I guess I’m about due.

I think the other thing I’d tell people is about the utter boredom involved here. Yes, there’s TV and the internet, but as I’ve said before, TV is a toilet and the internet is short-attention-span theater. I downloaded a couple of books from the library and started reading them. I’ve got a couple of Big Important Books that have been on my Kindle for months but I haven’t been up to tackling those this week, so I’m currently digging into a hard-hitting biography of Billy Joel. I’m on the fifth episode of Stranger Things but I’m saving the rest of that for Chemo Week so I have something to look forward to.

Further proving our friends and family are awesome, we’ve had several folks drop off food that was unexpected and delicious (and a stress reliever for Jen), several gifts in the mail (I’m wearing a toasty hat from Renie right now) and more cards and letters. Thanks, everyone.

Last night I got in the shower and lathered up my hair and what came off in my hands filled the drain trap. It took about ten minutes to rinse off all that fell out. My beard, after a good washing, looks like I lost a fight with an electric razor. I thought about it for a little while and decided that I’d wait until Finn got home today and we’d all shave it off completely together so that I don’t get mistaken for a zombie and shot down in the street.

Meanwhile, my skin has finally woken up to the fact that I’m getting bombarded with radiation and has suddenly dried out like an old piece of jerky. Between that and shaving my beard, I’m not leaving the house until I can get things looking human again.