I took the girls to see The Odyssey on Sunday afternoon, and my ears are still ringing. The movie itself was beautiful, and I left the theater with more questions than answers—which is something I appreciate. I wanted to read everything I could about the original story, Nolan’s commentary on the direction he took, and some of the reviews by people I respect. Every one of the cast did some of their best work, and it was a pleasure to see some favorites bring it (Leguziamo as Eumaeus was amazing; Pattinson was punchable, and I was happy to see the beautiful Lupita Nyong’o as Helen of Troy, I don’t care what the white supremacists say).

However, the sound was absolutely deafening. And when I mean deafening, I mean seeing-GWAR-in-1992-at-Hammerjacks-with-all-the-levels-at-10-on-the-soundboard LOUD. At the climactic battle, I had to plug both of my ears. Whoever mixed this movie needs to have some remedial education on how to actually hear actors speak their lines. When I was looking at the showtimes, there was a separate theater which featured on-screen captions, and when I offered it to Jen, we both said, “Nah…”

Now I’m thinking that was a mistake. It would have been nice to understand the first 10 minutes of dialogue, but after that I was mostly able to separate words from the BLLLEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH when I started reading lips. For years I’ve thought that the sound system in our house was lousy, even though I have a center channel speaker pointed directly at the couch, but I’m beginning to think that the failure to hear and comprehend modern dialogue is not my fault.