I dislike sitting still. I’ve got about 1/2 hour of quietly watching TV in me before I feel the need to be doing something, even if it’s mindless activity. I’ve written before about how modern TV sucks; we spend $200/mo. for a pile of cable channels filled with sewage. What I’d like to be doing involves being outside, physical labor, dangerous chemicals, and the chance of bodily injury; because I have no immune system I’m reduced to white-collar busywork, MY FAVORITE. I suppose this is why I’m sick and tired of radiation and chemo treatment: I’m bored out of my mind. I’ve reorganized digital photos and music and about four times now; I’ve cleaned my desk and organized folders and filed files. There are only so many files I can refile. The other problem is that I’m caught in between feeling just good enough to tackle something brain-intensive or wanting to lay down and nap on the couch.

I have been playing my way through an ancient copy of Half Life on a wheezy XBOX I got at a yard sale years ago, and all it’s done is made me lust after a modern gaming console that much more. In its day it was amazing stuff but now it’s like playing through a pea soup filter because everything is so low-resolution, and most games made in 2004 used a limited selection of grey and brown for every texture. At some point I will splurge for a new console, but it’s not been a priority. Maybe now that I’m looking at a couple months of chemo and recovery and surgery and more chemo, I can rationalize this a little easier. (Side note: What overpaid marketing genius came up with the name Xbox One X? Was the domain name for Xbox Two unavailable? What a bunch of tools.)

My beard hair is slowly beginning to fall out. This is alarming.