No, my truck was not abandoned simply because I parked it out in front of your stupid house. If you have such an issue with the fact that my truck is parked three doors down from my house out in front of your door, get off your fat ass and walk down to ask me to move it. Don’t call the cops and complain that somebody left the truck there, especially since it had only been there since sunday morning. And if you have a problem with the way my truck looks, perhaps you should walk out your front door, turn around, and get an eyeful of the sorry-ass front of your house. Maybe I should call and complain to the ASPCA the next time I walk past your air conditioner and get a noseful of that rotten cat piss stink fuming out of your living room.

And, you know, I did buy a cover for it, so that I’d be a better neighbor and you wouldn’t have to look at it. I kept that cover on it right up to the day somebody ripped it off in broad daylight and you didn’t call the cops. So thanks, neighbor.

If my truck gets towed, you better believe your car will soon be sitting on four flat tires, bucko.

…

So you’re bored of all the average-looking cars out there on the road, and you want something distinctive. A Civic is too plain, a Hummer H2 is too big, and there’s already a Z8 parked on your block. Why not a DeLorean? A company in Texas will be happy to sell you a “remanufactured” model with a 6/6000 mile warranty. Already got one? then you’ve probably heard about their extensive warehouse full of OEM parts, shipped straight from the factory in Ireland when the company shut down. Heck, if I had $35K burning a hole in my pocket, I’d be interested in buying one for giggles.