So I’m waiting here for the plumber, and Miss Utility (the folks you have to call before you dig because “IT’S THE LAW”) to tell me just how bad this whole sewer disaster is. Meanwhile, I’m running around here like I’m on crank getting all kinds of stuff done, attempting to feel like I have control over something.

Meanwhile, I am unhappily doing my best Howard Hughes impersonation by carrying my own urine around in a bottle. Yes, folks, I’ve said it; it’s true. Because when you can’t flush, rinse, run water, or otherwise look at your drain without it overflowing into a stinking puddle of filth on your basement floor, you have to get creative. Luckily my neighbors are nice enough to let me use their bathroom when other events arise. So if I stop over at your house and I immediately run to your restroom, you’ll know what’s up.

Dammit. I just got the estimate.