I’ve been waffling on the decision to ditch AT&T and move to Verizon for a new iPhone. Here at Lockardugan Headquarters, we’re trying to lessen our monthly burn through capital, and one of the ways we might accomplish this is through a family calling plan. Mama is in the first quarter of a 2-year contract and I’m on month-to-month, so I could jump ship at any time. Today I waited for a very important phone call and was able, through chance, to connect with the person I needed to talk to, who then informed me the two messages I’d left last Friday had come through garbled. On my way home from work, in the middle of Frederick Road, my call dropped. Two of the last five outgoing calls I’ve made started with the deafening sound of a garbled dialtone, which then meant I had to hang up and dial again.

AT&T better have a sweet fucking family plan, or I’m history.