I think everybody’s bored with the internet these days. Ms. Lis is looking for questions, as is Todd; Molly seems to be fighting off the boredoms. So I’ll try to make my stupid questions as interesting as I can.
If you could put two people in a ring and have them fight to the death, who would it be and why? (Neil Diamond vs. Barry Manilow? Your shop teacher vs. your math teacher? Charles Nelson Reilly vs. Paul Lynde?) Who would win?
What’s the last life lesson you learned, and why did it take so long?
You have a vehicle with a full tank of gas and an empty weekend. Where are you going to get away from the (heat, people, job, family, ex) within a 250-mile radius of where you live? (and what are you driving?)
Sum up the thing you wish you could go back and do over in your life with one word.
What’s the dumbest thing you never got caught doing?
What should you have accomplished in life by now, according to the 18 year old version of yourself?
Death Match: Tom Cruise vs Brooke Shields. My money’s on Brookie.
Life Lesson: Taking care of someone who is dying in an effort to ward off the post-deceasing guilts really doesn’t work.
Driving Music: Berkeley Springs, WV in a MG3TD (red convertible).
Summation: Education
Dumbassosity: baby-sitting for a cocaine addict and his alcoholic molester friend.
The 18-year old me: Asked me last week if this was my “real” life and whatever happened to being cool. She’s very disappointed that I’ve not gone off and done anything remotely related to fame, and why am I not a successful photojournalist/veteriniarian.
I don’t like her very much.
Death? No. That’s mean. Painful, prolonged incapacitation? Sure. Bill Maher and Jessie Jackson.
Life Lesson. If you stick it out long enough, what seems to suck can actually transform you for the better.
I am driving Clifford. Diesel is .45/gal. (this is a fantasy. no?) and I am visiting stills in Wild, Wonderful West Virginia. Almost Heaven, indeed.
Summation: Education (Oh. Dear. Lord. I believe that is plagiarism.)
Beginning my career in military intelligence by puffing on a dorm mate’s pipe that was filled with a substance not sanctioned by our Government.
I just wanted to make what my Dad was making as a salary. I kind of do. I just forgot to factor in inflation. s**t.
South Park Timmy vs. Mr. Bill
Life Lesson: You only get taken advantage of when you let people take advantage of you. I have no idea why it’s taken me 37 years to realize this, nor why it’s still so hard to use the spine God gave me sometimes.
Driving a 2005 Thunderbird (or a ’56, either one) around the Finger Lakes, stopping at every single winery and antique store and nursery on the way.
Summation: Smokelessness
Doing the horizontal bop on a moonlit night on the college dock with a boyfriend who shall remain nameless.
I never even doubted that I’d be married and have a couple of kids by now. And be a bestselling author, of course.
Michael Economos vs Britney Spears, neither surviving
Unkind things cannot be unsaid and unused opportunies cannot be reclaimed-I prioritize poorly
Spa at the former Gatewood Mansion, Greenbriar WV, my Saab after it’s been similarly rejuvinated
smoke-free, I agree
shooting up 10 hits lsd
covers of Artnews AND Rolling Stone
Duel: Still working on that one.
Life Lesson: However much I thought I was grown up, I still have years to go.
Travel: My Scout, with the top down, on the way to Assateague with my wife.
Summation: Career.
Dumbness: Driving when I oughtn’t have under the influence of more than I thought it was.
Hind/foresight: I should have published that graphic novel by now.